Why you should rely more on others.
As a species with fantastic linguistic capabilities, we like weaponise language to dazzle and stun, making normal things seem unreachable and exclusive. In other words, we make up names for things that obscure what they really are.
Coaching and mentoring are two of those words and here I debunk what they mean, reflect on how, for many years I’ve had coaches and mentors without realising it, and hopefully inspire you to go and find some of your own.
Humans have always learnt by copying, from learning to walk, to how we interact socially, and how we treat others. One of my earliest mentors secured his hallowed status simply by picking up a guitar, sitting gathering dust in the corner, strumming away, and singing a song. I had always looked at the instrument with awe and wonder, seeing world-famous rockstars on stage and feeling a chasm between us. There was no way little old me could ever play an instrument, so I left it, I refused the lessons offered to me as a child.
When my friend played for us in that room, he instantly made it achievable to me. I asked him how I could learn, and he recommended a book which I purchased along with my first guitar, and now, years later it is a passion of mine. Something so simple as making some melodic noise gives me so much pleasure, giving me a cherished form of expression.
I’m a big fan of learning, to me “every day is a school day”, and I come from a background of heavy emphasis on theoretical learning (namely my entire school career). However, as I’ve grown, I have put more emphasis on practical learning. The best way to embed knowledge is to use it and doing something is the best way to learn whether you like it or not, whether it can bring you joy, or become a bearable way of earning a living, depending how you look at things.
In my career, I’ve had a few coaches who delivered their messages to me under the radar, nudging me towards the potential they saw; similarly, I’ve had coaches who more formally interrogate my goals and encourage me to find the answers myself. Both approaches have had a great benefit to me, growing my self-belief and forcing me to rely more on others.
Simply speaking, a mentor will offer advice, while a coach will ask questions. Coaching puts the ball more in your court, their questions nudging you to find the answers yourself, which can be empowering, but can also leave you feeling frustrated. Both engagements may only last a few sessions or could go on for a year or more.
Whichever approach works for you, what have you got to lose?
